Train to Live on Mission – Week 27
Battle Drill #27:
Listen Before You Answer!
Proverbs 18:12-13 (NAS95)
Today, we are going to walk through the four action steps of a soldier’s training routine to learn the next battle drill – “Listen Before You Answer!”
Effective communication skills are essential to the success of any military operation. In radio communications, there is a very important word that you must learn if you are going to be successful as a soldier. That word is “over.” When the speaker says, “over,” it means he is finished speaking. It implies that you, the receiver of the message, are now allowed to answer. If the speaker doesn’t need or expect an answer, and has nothing else to say, he doesn’t use the word, “over;” rather, he uses the word, “out.” Now, you as the receiver must give the appropriate response, such as “roger,” which means, “received,” and implies you understand what was communicated. That is different than “wilco,” which means “will comply” and indicates that you understand and will complete the task that has been given to you. Here’s the point of this lesson, both military protocol and basic communication etiquette dictate that you would never answer “roger” or “wilco” until the other person says, “over” because you can’t answer wisely without first listening to the entire message being communicated. You always listen before you answer, and that skill must be learned if we are going to CM as good soldiers of Jesus Christ. Let’s learn how to train this skill, by listening to what the Field Manual has to say about it.
Action Step #1) Know the Field Manual.
Action Step #2) Train together as one unit.
Good communication requires two things: 1) assertiveness, which is the ability to put into words what you are trying to communicate; and 2) active listening, which is the ability to listen and hear what the person is saying to you. It takes both people to achieve effective communication, but it is active listening skills that allow you to verify you have heard the message before you answer the message; it is the skill of mirroring and validating the person for sharing their heart and mind with you. Which is why active listening requires your full person, your full attention. You can’t multitask when communicating with a person and expect to do it well. You need to stop what you are doing and give your full attention to the other person.
I encourage you to pray in the Spirit for God to give you wisdom and discernment so that you can have ears to hear what the person is trying to communicate to you. Often, we all need help to do this because what we hear is not always what the person is trying to say because we have filters from our own life experiences, our hurts, habits, and hang-ups, which can distort an accurate interpretation of the intended message. There are not only filters, but assumptions, particularly in situations where we already perceive we have been wronged. Therefore, active listening requires God’s assistance, as well as full body listening, to include your eyes to watch for non-verbal cues, and your ears to listen to words and tone because we all know that the same words can have different meanings based on how they are said. It requires patience to seek validation that you heard properly and to seek clarification when confused by what the person is saying, or why they are saying it to you.
If you care more about your response than you do the other person’s message, then you will never be good at communication. You may be able to lead meetings, give presentations, or speak from the front, but you will not achieve effective interpersonal communication skills. Listening before you give an answer requires you to have humility, one of the greatest attributes people can achieve through their relationship with God, and one that defined Jesus. A powerful illustration of this, from the life and ministry of Jesus Christ, is found in Mark 10:46-52:
Then they came to Jericho. And as He was leaving Jericho with His disciples and a large crowd, a blind beggar named Bartimaeus, the son of Timaeus, was sitting by the road. When he heard that it was Jesus the Nazarene, he began to cry out and say, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!” Many were sternly telling him to be quiet, but he kept crying out all the more, “Son of David, have mercy on me!” And Jesus stopped and said, “Call him here.” So they called the blind man, saying to him, “Take courage, stand up! He is calling for you.” Throwing aside his cloak, he jumped up and came to Jesus. And answering him, Jesus said, “What do you want Me to do for you?” And the blind man said to Him, “Rabboni, I want to regain my sight!” And Jesus said to him, “Go; your faith has made you well.” Immediately he regained his sight and began following Him on the road.
Until you realize your own need, as a fellow blind beggar, to cry out for mercy and ask Jesus to open the eyes of your heart, you live in the reality of Proverbs 18:12a, “Before destruction the heart of man is haughty.” A prideful person never listens before they answer because they presume to know what the other person is thinking and is going to say. A prideful person interrupts instead of listening, rushes to make judgments about the other person, and imputes motives on the other person based on those judgments. No wonder such pride leads to destruction, of our relationships, and of our own lives. There is a better way! Let us now take the third action step of a good soldier of Jesus Christ.
Action Step #3) Seek the Commander’s approval.
If you haven’t learned the humility to sit in prayer and listen for God, then how do you expect to sit with a person and listen to them? Do you have a regular rhythm of practicing silence as a part of your prayer life? Silence with God is where humility is forged into our character! It is my firm conviction that there is a direct correlation between our prayer life – our consistency to sit at the feet of Jesus and listen – and our ability to listen before we answer. Why? Because a good listener is someone who has learned the value of humility, and a humble heart is forged in the crucible of your prayer life, not the productivity or efficiency of your work life. A famous example of this is found in Luke 10:38-42:
Now as they were traveling along, He entered a village; and a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home. She had a sister called Mary, who was seated at the Lord’s feet, listening to His word. But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up to Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me.” But the Lord answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.”
Mary was humble to listen, as Proverbs 18:12b states, “humility goes before honor.” Jesus honored her and forever established the precedent that sitting at His feet and listening is the one thing necessary in the Christian life. Are you daily doing the one thing necessary? Why is it that we so often give ourselves to answering before we listen, to working before we pray, to going into our day without first reading the Field Manual? I’ll tell you why, because of pride! And we demonstrate our pride through our inability to be good listeners. Our relationships are filled with presumption and pride and that is why we are experiencing destruction in so many aspects of our culture and communities. Presumption and pride are the enemies of communication! That brings us to the final action step of our training regimen.
Action Step #4) Live on mission.
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails…
Jesus taught us in John 13:34-35, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” This is our Commander’s intent – for the world to know that we belong to Jesus and that they, too, can come into God’s family through faith in Jesus Christ, in His life, death, and resurrection. This is the message of the gospel of Jesus Christ – Christ crucified, resurrected, and glorified is coming back to rescue His bride.
Are you listening? Or, in military language, “Do you copy? Over.”
We are to be the hands and feet of Jesus Christ. How are we to know how to serve others, in the name of Jesus and with the love of God, if we don’t listen well enough to know the needs of our neighbors, which includes those in this room, those at home, and those with whom we work and play? Let’s take our cue from Jesus who went up to the blind beggar and listened to Him. We must learn to ask that same question, “What do you want God to do for you?” Instead of being presumptuous and prideful, assuming we know their answers or imputing motives on their lifestyle or circumstances, what if we actually listened? If we want people to understand Jesus is the answer, then we must be different when we approach them – humble, active listeners who care about them as real people and not just targets of evangelism.
Do you copy? Over.
According to military radio etiquette, you can respond to today’s message in one of two ways: 1) “Roger,” which means, “I have received and understand;” or 2) “Wilco,” which means, “I understand and will comply.” Maybe “Roger” is the best you can manage today. That’s ok; it is my prayer that as you walk with Jesus, it becomes easier and quicker for you to respond not just “Roger” but “Wilco.” May we work hard to discipline ourselves to listen before answering. Maybe “Roger-Wilco” is the right answer, even if it is redundant, “I receive, understand, and commit myself to training myself to comply.” We will all fall short, but don’t quit just because you fail. Just like in anything, get back up and do it better the next time.